Maging Akin Muli

I don't know but I just feel lonely and empty these past few days. It was as if religious life and the thrills and frills of it has died down. What fills my mind are the tasks and requirements to accomplish and submit, not to mention my personal concerns and worries. I feel at this point spiritually "dry" and devoid of consolation.

Well, I must admit that pehaps my lonely days are here again. Days when community and apostolic life seem colorless, less exciting. It's as if I find difficulty in finding meaning from the things that I do, from the circumstances that I am in.

It was this point that made me think and pray more deeply the question that every vowed person has ever asked: "Is religious life really for me?" The question that is playing in my mind right now. I thought that after my profession of perpetual first vows, I will be happy ever after as a Jesuit. Yet, trying times come, I am burdened. And as I dragged my feet to the chapel to pray, asking God and storming heaven with my countless questions and search for truth, a song gently played in my mind... in my heart. Maging akin muli. It seemed that in the midst of all the uncertainties that I am feeling right now, with all the dryness and the seeming absence of consolation that drew my heart to doubt, God has only three words to say... Maging akin muli.

And as I muse about the lyrics of the song, tranquility slowly creeped in. God's assuring and abiding presence filled my being. Yes, maging kanya muli. And as I allowed the song to speak to the very core of my being, I am once again awed by the kind of God that I have...

Maging Akin Muli
Arnel dC Aquino, S.J.

Manlamig man sa akin, puso mong maramdamin,
Lisanin man ng tuwa puso mong namamanglaw,
Manginig man sa takot masindakin mong puso,
Mag-ulap man sa lungkot diwa mong mapag-imbot.

Kapiling mo Akong laging naghihintay sa tanging taag mo.
Pag-ibig kong ito isang pananabk sa puso Ko.
Sa 'yong pagbabalik sa piling kong puspos ng pagsuyo.
Manahimik at makinig ka't maging Akin muli.

Di mo rin akalain tinig mo'y hanap Ko rin.
Ang 'yong tuwa at sakit, Aking galak at pait.
Kung lingid pa sa iyo, Aking pakikiloob,
Tuklasin mong totoo: tunay mong pagkatao.

Kapiling mo Akong laging naghihintay sa tanging taag mo.
Pag-ibig kong ito isang pananabk sa puso Ko.
Sa 'yong pagbabalik sa piling kong puspos ng pagsuyo.
Manahimik at makinig ka't maging Akin muli.


However, in the middle of prayer, I begin to remember not so good days in the Society -- the tensions of community life, disagreements with peers, discomfort with having to live with someone you would rather not be associated with, the pressures of academic and apostolic endeavors, etc... -- yet serenity still enchants my being. I begin to see the magnanimity of my God's compassion... of my God's love.

I believe that I am invited by my God to simply trust... to cast my cares and my processes to His feet. He will take care of them. An invitation that encourages me to allow Him to be God, to allow Him to once again captivate my heart with His wondrous love. Maging akin muli... yes, Lord... grant me the grace to be truly Yours...forever.